Pakkathu veettu aunty and you - part 2/2

The next few years – the age between 23 and 27 – are the toughest for any man. You are just starting your career not knowing where it’s headed, your friends live in different places and you suddenly don’t fit in any gang. It’s an irritating age for various other reasons – your friends, who were local bastards in school and college suddenly act decent in public forums. “Machaa, please don’t post abuses or indecent stuff on my facebook wall da. My clients may see...” Every single person of your age group you talk to tells about his/her life and laments about how miserable it has suddenly become after college. Every incident reminds you that you are in a “neither here nor there” age group. A tennis ball finds its way into your house and a kid follows, asking you ‘uncle, ball please’. Uncle? Seriously? If you travel by bus and are seated next to a woman – whatever her age is – you are sure to experience one of the most embarrassing incidents ever. The woman makes a fuss with the conductor and protests with him about how she can be seated next to a ‘male’. You wonder to yourself "do I look like someone who will molest a woman in a bus?” and wish you could convince the aunty that you are no threat to her, but as it always is the case, the aunty always wins.

To top it all, there is the pressure to ‘settle down’ which drives each and every action of yours in this age. Combine that pressure with the torture from aunties and there is a deadly combo which you have to fight day in, day out. If you are in an IT firm in India, not a day passes without some aunty or the other asking you when you are going to do an MBA, or when you will go on-site to America. It’s worse if you are in the USA – you have all the distractions right in front of you – but you have to resist the temptation and concentrate on your MS for the sake of one person (not your mom, dad or any other aunty, but for the poor State Bank of India Manager back in Chennai who sanctioned your loan). Every aunty you talk to has a few words to say on Obama, recession and the general job scenario in the country.  If you are doing something else other than the IT field, MS or MBA, the aunties will not even care about your existence.

A different kind of torture ensues after you are done with your studies. Aunties turn marriage brokers and Aunty-matrimonial services start driving you mad. You escape the torture if you have found a girl for yourself but if you haven’t, the aunties will make sure that your life is hell till you get married. If not directly, they will slyly remind your age to your mom who will pressurise you to ‘get settled’ so that you can become a marry-able commodity. The pressure only increases if your friends or anyone of your age-group in the neighbourhood gets married. Aunties will work overtime and even ask your horoscope. For some reason, they’re more eager to get you married than you actually are. If you visit a marriage, every aunty you see will come up with the most predictable line “enna kannaa settled ah? Next nee dhaan” and giggle away to glory for reasons best known to them. “onakku ponnu irundhaa kudu ” is what you want to say, but “haha.. 2 more years” is all you manage.

You somehow manage to get the ‘2 more years’ you wanted – you are around 28 now and it is time to really ‘settle down’ and get married. You escape aunty-torture a bit if you find a girl for yourself - even then, there will be an odd aunty who drills your parents about the girl’s caste, sub-caste, gothram etc. If all those aspects match, the process of marriage is made much easier and aunty-matrimonial services may even help you with it. But if by any chance it doesn’t, hell follows suit. Your mom is ostracised from the gang, you are considered a cheap unlawful person and every aunty will name at least one girl who would have been better for you than the girl you chose to marry.

You cross this stage too, and finally reach the day you will get ‘settled’. Your marriage. The aunties reach there before you, are dressed up as if they are gonna get married and get into a gang as they always do – after all, it is they who framed your life. You bear all that and greet them with a smile – it’s the last day of your seemingly never-ending relationship with your pakkathu veettu aunties. In a few more hours, you are going to settle with a family yourself and you will be throwing away the aunties from your life. Overall, it is a happy day for you – a new beginning, and a happy break up. You tie the thaali and are immediately followed by a flurry of congratulations from all the aunties present there.

“Congrats kannaa.. have a happy married life”

“Congrats pa.. no more aunty-torture or matrimony torture from us. Hahaha” Hahaha indeed.

“Congrats .. you have to be more responsible from now on. But don’t worry we won’t advise you from today. It’s your life”

It’s your life. It’s your life. The words repeated inside your head, and you finally realise that you’ve got freedom. Oh yes, you do lose your freedom to your wife, but that’s certainly not an issue compared to the freedom you attained from the aunties.  Just when you indulge yourself in the different type of happiness and satisfaction that fills you, a random woman – aged around 55 – walks and stands in front of you and your wife.

“Happy married life Kannaa. Now you have to be more careful and responsible. Settle down fast and make your parents grand-parents even faster J. You know, I got married in 1978 and had two kids by 1981. It’s not good for you or the baby if you postpone such things. You are already 28, so you shouldn’t delay it by much. So plan well, and become parents soon. It's tough to get admissions in schools also these days.. so make it soon. Congrats J”

Who the f$%k was she? Why was she planning for someone else’ child? 'It’s hardly 15 minutes since I got married, and some random woman is already planning and advising me about having children?' With a shocked reaction, you turn towards your wife who says the last thing you want to hear.

“My pakkathu veettu aunty”

Aunties never die. Or Billa style la sollanum na, en vaazhkaila ovvoru naalum, ovvoru nodi-yum en pakkathu veettu aunty sedhukkinadhu da!

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Toilet Terror part 1 of 1

Warning: Highly random!

“Machaan, anything but a horror film da. I won’t be able to sleep if I watch a ghost movie now!” said Mahesh.

Myself (Raghu), Mahesh, Avinash and Aditya were roommates living in the hostels of one of those million engineering colleges in Tamil Nadu. It was our final year in college, and as all final years did, we had a hell a lot of time to waste, and we usually wasted it by watching movies or talking random shit. Today, we were in the mood for a series of horror films, but it was under threat from our coward roomie Mahesh Sundar, also known as Kanni Ponnu. He was one of those rare species among boys who appeared to be a macho but would piss in his pants at the very thought of anything to do with ghosts or spirits. It was no surprise for the rest of us that Mahesh was unwilling to watch horror films, especially after 6 PM. It was not the first time either. (He had once threatened to pull out of a trip to Coorg, as we jokingly threatened to scare him by talking real life ghost incidents)

“Dey don’t start the same shit again. Mooditu vaa, nothing will happen if you watch a film. Stop being a spoilsport. You look so huge, aren’t you ashamed to be scared of such non existing stuff??” I asked.

“No da not only that.... carry on. I’ve got some project work to do. Have some assignments also. Will do them and then study for the cycle tests.”

That was the funniest thing we’ve ever heard from Mahesh in the last 4 years. Looked like even the mention of a horror movie would drive him to do scarier stuff.

“Hahahahahahhahaha. Nadikaadha da. Nee yaaru nu enakku theriyum, naa yaarunu unakku theriyum.. shut up and join us..”

We were in no mood to understand. He had been doing the same for the last 4 years and it was high time he changed. We were adamant, and after a lot of coercion, we finally got our way.

“OK! But just one film. And not the ultra scary ones..let’s just watch one of those movies which are supposed to be scary but end up being funny,” said Mahesh.

It was for the first time in 4 years that he had actually accepted to watch a ghost movie with us. Now that he had agreed, we didn’t want to stop with just one film.

“Ok machi. I’ve got this Tamil movie called Sivi in my laptop. Heard it is one of those failed attempts to make a scary film. We’ll start with that..” said Avinash.

“Start with that? End with that!” corrected Mahesh.

“Yeah yeah..start and end with that” said the rest of us, and shared a smile.

Most tamil horror films had a clichéd storyline – Rich boy rapes girl. Girl dies. Her spirit returns to haunt the boy, and finally takes revenge in the climax. Sivi was no different. The movie was exactly as Avinash had said it would be: a failed attempt to make a scary movie. In Sivi, the male lead (the rapist) has an unusual and persistent neck pain problem, which even the doctors are unable to cure. He struggles with pain throughout the film, and finds out in the climax that the spirit of the girl he had raped was actually sitting on his neck, causing the pain. The funniest (supposedly scariest) part of the film is the ghost itself - a poor young girl with a lot of powder on her face sitting on the hero’s shoulders. The climax also carries an explanation for the title; apparently, Sivi is the name of the snake on Lord Shiva’s neck! While Avinash, Aditya and I were ROTFL for wasting our time on this movie, Mahesh sat silently, with a stern look on his face.

“Machaa! Don’t tell me this film scared you!” we screamed together.

“Hah. No da. Not scary, not scary.. ok da.. gotta wake up early tomorrow. Let me sleep.. gnite..”

“Haha.. wake up early and pluck what? Be a sport and stay awake. Let’s watch a few more.. don’t act like a girl..” said Aditya.

After a few more rounds of Yes and No, Mahesh agreed. This time, we decided to step up the intensity and move on to real horror films. Sivi was followed by another tamil film – Uruvam, which was much better and more scary than Sivi. Now that we were well into the horror mood, we followed it up with 2 more films – Exorcist, and Ring. By the time we finished watching the 4 films, the time was already 1 30 AM.

As it usually happens, the horror-movie-watching session was followed by a horror-story-discussion session. If watching horror films was scary, discussing them in a hostel room had its own thrill factor. We switched off the lights, and started sharing various 'real life ghost' incidents. Avinash started, with his experience in his apartments in Chennai, a few years back. We listened carefully.

Avinash: It was around 3-4 years back. I was in an apartment in Adyar, and had a good friend called Kaushik. We were pretty close for quite some time, but I remember that he changed a lot after a trip to his hometown. I could sense a lot of changes in his character after that. He suddenly became aloof, and stopped mingling with the other boys in the apartment. Often, we would hear a lot of noise from his house, noises of his mom screaming and crying, and his dog barking continuously. It was quite difficult to comprehend the problem, especially for me as I was too young then. One night, when I was studying for some exam in my terrace, I saw Kaushik sitting on the wall, facing the road. "What are you doing there? Move in! It is dangerous!" I yelled.

He turned, and spoke with a rough voice "Avi, I know I am acting weird these days, but I think I have got a power."

"Power? What power?"

"I am talking to ghosts"

These were the last words I wanted to hear in the night on a deserted terrace. Not knowing how to react, I quickly turned and ran down as fast as I could. I rushed back home and closed the door. I barged into the kitchen to tell what I heard to my mom, when I heard loud noises from outside once again. It was Kaushik's mom's scream. We were used to it by this time, but now that I had heard what Kaushik said, I wanted to find out more. I informed my mom, and she gathered more people from the flats before rushing to Kaushik's house. They broke the door open, and saw something which I can never forget. Kaushik was holding a cricket bat in his hand, and beating his mom, shouting "Naan dhaan dee Uma vandhirukken. Enga dee un purushan? Naan dhaan dee Uma vandhirukken". A few uncles tried in vain to stop Kaushik, but finally with the help of some Vibhoodhi and a broomstick, managed to control him. It was later learnt that Uma was a girl in Kaushik's dad's hometown. Apparently, his dad was engaged to Uma but eloped with Kaushik's mom, which drove Uma to suicide. Now with help from psychiatrists and saamiyaars, Kaushik is fine.

By the time Avinash finished, all our hearts were beating much faster than normal. But we were not finished. Aditya continued with the Sin Jin story. Sin Jin apparently was a friend of his sister.

By now, the time was already around 2 30 and we were terrified beyond limit. We decided it was enough for the day, and went to our beds, when Mahesh spoke.

"Machis. For the last 3 years, I have been dodging and avoiding watching horror movies with you guys. I know I have been missing out on a lot of fun, but it is not because I am a coward or anything. I have a problem, which I am going to tell you guys now. It is high time I did." and continued "I lived in Delhi when I was a kid, till my 6th standard or so. Exactly one floor above mine in our apartment, a young coupled moved in. For the first few weeks, everything was normal. But with time, we heard a lot of shouting and screaming. It was almost clearly audible especially from my room, and it looked like they were continuously fighting. I informed my parents, but they kept telling me it was normal for newly married people to fight and asked me not to worry. One night, the screaming was abnormally loud and scary. I couldn't sleep, so switched on the lights and saw something through my window which I can never ever forget in my life. It was a momentary scene, but I can still remember it as clearly as I did when I saw it. The girl was flying down, and thudded into the ground. I put my head out of the window and saw the bloody scene. Too scared and too young to know what to do, I switched off the lights and went to sleep. There were some investigations after that, and the police concluded that it was a suicide." The fear was visible in Mahesh's eyes. I even thought I saw a few drop of tears in his eyes. He continued "A few days after the incident, I kept getting dreams about that girl. Every single time, she would appear and say the same thing. She would cry, and whisper into my ears 'you know the truth. Help me. Help me. You know the truth'. I have never known what to do with the dream. I have not even told my parents, but I still get the dream every now and then." Mahesh was indeed sobbing. Now, we didn't know how to react. We went up to him and after a warm group hug, retired into our beds.

Just when I was getting into a deep sleep, I was woken up, by none other than Mahesh himself. I opened my eyes, and saw the clock. It was 3 30 AM.

“What do you want at this time da?” I asked.

“Machaan.. I wanna piss da. Too scared to go alone..please come.”

"Ok you go, I'll follow you" I said, and Mahesh left.

I woke up Avinash and Aditya, and told them we needed to lighten up the mood. It was time for a prank, to make Mahesh smile and forget the hard night. I told them exactly what to do, and being roomies and best buddies for 4 years, they were instantly excited by the plan and welcomed it with a lot of enthusiasm.

We rushed to the toilet, and took positions. Aditya went near the switchboard, while Avinash and I hid right behind Mahesh, who had just begun emptying his bladder. We had already scared the hell out of him by forcing him to watch horror movies against his will, and now it was time for a laugh. 3 30 AM, a deserted toilet and a frightened Mahesh in it. It was set up perfectly for us, to execute our prank, though it was extremely childish. I gave a nod to Aditya. The lights went off. The 3 of us (Avinash, Aditya and I) screamed on top of our voices in an attempt to scare Mahesh. We expected him to get petrified and shout his throat off, but to our astonishment, we didn’t get any sort of response. The plan had clearly failed. We burst into laughter for making a fool of ourselves at this time in the night and switched on the lights, and saw something which put an immediate end to the giggles.

Mahesh lied on the floor, scared. And dead.

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Toilet Terror part 2 of 2

We rushed towards Mahesh and checked if he was breathing. He was not. We checked his pulses. We found none. Having no clue what to do, we abandoned him and rushed back to our rooms. We had just killed our roommate. After a lot of panic and blame game, we decided that we won’t let it spoil our future. We switched off the lights, closed the door (without bolting it) and decided to act ignorant of the happenings.

Around an hour later, we heard a loud yell from the bathroom. Though we understood that someone had seen Mahesh lying dead, we didn't bother to react. We continued to act asleep, until we were 'woken up' by a group of boys who barged into our room. A million questions were asked, but all we had to offer was tears and the reply "i don't know". There were some investigations in our college, and a lot of people were questioned. As expected, we roommmates had to answer a thousand questions, which we somehow managed. "We went for dinner, saw a film and went to sleep. No idea what happened after that" was the crux of what we said. The issue got bigger than we expected, as Mahesh's parents wanted to know if it was suicide and asked for a post mortem report. Luckily for us, the post mortem report certified that Mahesh died to to a heart attack. None of them knew that it was caused by us.

The next few days were difficult, for we were internally engulfed with a terrible feeling of guilt. We missed Mahesh and were reminded of all the good memories we shared, especially in class and the hostel room. Every time we went to the toilet, dreadful memories of that night kept haunting us. Three weeks and an awful time later, we found a way out of this sick feeling. We decided to approach Amudhan, our classmate. Better known as Aavi Amudhan, he was extremely famous in our hostel, as he claimed to have powers to speak to spirits of dead people. (Yes, there are all kinds of people in an engineering college hostel!). Some believed he could, some didn’t. It was time for us to find out. I HAD to speak to Mahesh and convey my apologies.

“Amudhan, we heard you can speak to spirits, and are here to talk to you about a very important issue. But before that, I hope and trust you will promise confidentiality, for it is extremely serious and sensitive.” I said

“About Mahesh’s death? Don’t worry. It will not leave this room. Go on.”

“We killed Mahesh..” and we went on to tell Amudhan about the happenings of that night. After half an hour of explanation, Amudhan came up with his reply.

“Ok. I understand. Don’t blame yourselves. After all, you didn’t intend to kill him. Now coming to the issue, it is not easy to speak to spirits. It is a tough art, and there are various complications. First of all, you need to have a strong heart and reason to bring a sprit to you and make it talk. They do not come as per your wishes. Secondly and more importantly, spirits usually come in groups. You may want to speak to Mahesh’s spirits, but another spirit, who probably has some unfulfilled dreams, may take advantage and use you to satisfy their needs. That can turn extremely dangerous, if not properly monitored. But don’t worry. I will speak to Mahesh and get back to you. I am sure he will understand and accept your apologies. And I promise; this will remain within these 4 walls.”

Amudhan’s words were reassuring. We may not get to speak to Mahesh directly (which was frankly scary), but all we wanted to do was convey the apologies. Two days of extreme anxiety passed, before Amudhan called us to his room at midnight. We rushed there, without knowing how to feel. The entire room had a spooky feel to it. The room was lit up by a dim light. Amudhan was sitting in the centre of the room, wearing just a dhoti. In front of him was a rectangle kind of board, which looked like a chess board. Closer examination showed a coin in the middle of the board and random words like YES, NO, GO and COME were written on the rectangle.

“I have some good news and some bad news for you” Amudhan broke the silence. “The good news is that Mahesh is willing to forgive you. He realizes it was a prank, though it cost him his life. After all, he was your roommate, won’t he even understand that?”
We were a bit relieved. We were happy to know that we would be forgiven. But Amudhan was not finished.
“The bad news is that Mahesh has given a condition. A very weird one too.”

“What is it?”

“Whenever you are inside the college premises and want to use the toilet, especially inside the hostel, you 3 should always go together. You can’t go alone, or even in pairs among youselves”

“WHAT?!” we shouted in unison. It was the craziest thing we had ever heard in our lives. It made us lose our respect for spirits and ghosts. What a stupid, crazy and cheap condition!

“Mahesh’s spirits will always be around the toilet. If any one of you go alone, he will do exactly what you did to him. Imagine a ghost making a sudden appearance when you are having your moment of privacy.. it will be terrible! So stick together till we finish college. Raghu, I want to warn you especially. Mahesh knows that it was your plan, and he sounded a bit angry with you. So you, in particular should be very careful.” Amudhan's voice echoed in our ears as we walked out.

At first thought, meeting the crazy condition seemed no big deal. After all, we were roommates and we were anyways going to be together. “Just eat, sleep and drink together.” was our simple plan. But as the days passed, we realized that it was extremely difficult to do everything together, but somehow managed to fulfil the main condition – we were always together in the loo. It was not an easy thing to do though. Often, after eating excessively at the terrible hostel mess, there would be a mad rush for the toilet. It was almost impossible to find 3 vacant toilets, but we were left with no choice. Other students looked at us with suspicion, for we would often shout from inside to find out if the others were done and it was safe to leave.

Aditya, in particular, caused a lot of problems, for his kidneys followed strange and inhuman timings. He would often wake us up late in the night with his usual lines “Machi.. toilet da.” It annoyed us so much that we got him a box full of huggies as a birthday gift. He obviously didn't use them.

If Aditya’s unruly bladders were irritating, Avinash had a crazier problem.
“Machis. Wake up wake up. Come with me to the toilet.” he would say.

“Dey please control da. I'm half asleep.. bugger I asked you not to drink so much water before you sleep.”

“No da, not that.. I just saw a Shakeela film.. have to go to the toilet machaa.. understand!”

We didn’t know if the together-toiler rule was applicable for that, but we obviously didn’t want to risk it. We couldn’t ask Avinash to control that either, as we could be facing the same situation sometime. It was a bit too irritating, but we were getting used to it. We had no choice.

Similar problems continued at the classroom as well, which led us to be infamously called “The Toilet-Threesome”! Despite all this, we were just happy to survive. Days became weeks, which in turn became months. We somehow managed to stay alive till the end of the college, until the farewell night.

It was the end of 4 years of college. The first 3 years were extremely enjoyable. The final year started well too, until a stupid prank which ended Mahesh’s life and our happiness. But he too had forgiven us and it now time to enjoy. The boys in the hostel had arranged for a midnight sarakku (drinks) party in the hostel terrace, after the farewell celebrations. The farewell events and dinner completed by around 11 30 PM, and most of the gang, including guys who don’t drink left for the hostel terrace. One peg was followed by another, and soon we were high and crapping about various incidents, which mostly had to do with failed love stories. Since it was the last day, most guys drank much beyond their capacity, and even the teetotallers started making their debuts. Soon, we ran out of alcohol. I was a bit less drunk than most others, so I was asked to go down to the rooms to get some more bottles. I gladly agreed, and rushed down to my room to pick up the back-up bottles. But just when I was about to leave, I had this sudden full feeling in my bladder. I had to rush to the toilet, but how could I? Not knowing what to do, I stood in the deserted corridor and took my mobile phone to ring my roommates, when I saw Aavi Amudhan coming towards me.

“What are you doing here? Everyone is waiting for the bottles” he said.

“Machaan. I have to go to the toilet da..”

“The go! Why are you standing outside? Don’t waste time. Everyone is waiting!”

“What are you saying da? Did you forget the condition? How can I go?”

Amudhan paused and stared at me for a moment. Then he burst into uncontrollable laughter. I had no idea why. “Dey. Why are you laughing?”

Amudhan gathered his senses.

“Hahahaha! I can’t believe you guys trusted me for such a long time da. You played a prank on Mahesh. I played a prank on you! I can’t believe you guys actually trusted I can speak to spirits..hahahaha. Now give me the bottles, go to the toilet and join us up soon. Bye bye!” and Amudhan left, laughing his way upstairs.

I felt embarrassed, but the prank brought a smile to my face. More than that, I was relieved, for I could use the toilet now! I rushed in, whistling to the tunes of ‘Aanandham.. imayam pola aanandham’ and rang up Aditya.

“Machi.. guess where I am?!” I asked.

“Otha! Bring the bottles soon.” Came the reply.

“Haha, patience patience. The bottle is on its way up. I am in the toilet. Amudhan is bringing the bottle. Did you know? It was all a prank by Amudhan. The conditions, the forgiving, everything! Why, that fucker can’t even speak to spirits! He played a prank on us, but I must say it was a good one!” I explained.

“But what do you mean da? Amudhan has been with me throughout the night. He is still sitting next to me...” said Aditya.

And the lights went off.

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SMS Minnale - part 1 of 2

“Hi Rahul.. This is my new number. Sheela here.. how r u? Loooong time! ”

I am Arun Kumar, doing my 2nd year engineering and living in a hostel in one of those million engineering colleges in Coimbatore, Tamilnadu. I had just received an SMS with the above text at around midnight. Basically being a barren land when it comes to girls, I was not sure how to react to that message. It was pretty obvious that the message was not intended for me but I didn’t want to let go of this opportunity. A thousand questions ran through my mind as I looked at the SMS for the 197th time in 5 minutes. “Should I reply saying I’m not Rahul?” “Should I call that number?” “Should I ignore the message?” “What if it’s an attu piece?” Damn! I’ve never strained my brain so much in my life. Finally I decided to temporarily ignore the message. Firstly, I didn’t want to portray myself as too desperate by replying immediately, and secondly, it would give me time to think. As far as the attu piece dilemma was concerned, I thought of the age old wonderful saying by an unknown Tamil poet: ‘Vandha mala, Pona masuru.’

After a lot of deliberation, I decided to reply next morning from class. “Hi Sheela.. sorry for the late reply.. had slept yesterday.. I’m doin great.. wazzup with u?” Yes, I had done what Madhavan did in Minnale. I knew I was no Maddy in looks, but how would she ever find out through a phone? Nervous and struggling to concentrate in class, I waited for a reply from Sheela. After a wait of around 20 minutes which seemed like an eternity, I received an SMS.

“Hey! I’m good 2...slept so soon?? I thot guys in IIT hostels don’t sleep so early! Anyways, no problems..:).. where r u now? Bunked class? Its been ages since we spoke.. I guess we didn’t talk after the school farewell??”

IIT. A mini explosion took place in my heart. IIT enga naa enga? No wonder she had messaged ‘Rahul’ after a ‘looooong’ time! But I decided to carry on. ‘Confident machi.. confident’ I said to myself and replied:

“Yeah guys in IIT hostels don’t sleep early. But you know I’m not one of those nerds ;).. and yeah.. a looong time indeed..madam suddenly became super-busy after school :P”

Somehow, my hands automatically made me use smileys. Pretty soon I received a reply and we started exchanging messages at a faster rate.

“Ha ha! Me and busy? No way! And you not a nerd eh? Then how did u get to IIT in the first place :P?”

“Still trying to find out the answer. I actually asked my professor after I joined here. He said shit happens once in a while.. I guess that answers it ;)”

“LOL. I’m literally rolling on the floor and laughing uncontrollably. HAHAHA!” came the reply.

Was it that funny? Anyways, a part of me felt proud and happy to have made a girl laugh. The confidence urged me to continue.

“Chuck that. Hey btw..wazzup with u? What you doin these days?I’m sorry I forgot.. you know IIT guys tend to have short term memory loss ;)”

“Ah..but i thot you were not the ‘typical IIT guy’?? :P I’m like you.. in the process of wasting 4 years of my life.. I mean I’m doing engineering..but not in the IIT! LOL”

I had succeeded in my first step - to get some details. But why was she LOL-ing? Whatever. I decided to LOL too. Thought it would sound rude otherwise.

“LOL. Yeah I guessed you would be doing engineering.. and Yeah not many people waste their lives in IITs ;) It’s reserved for the special (un)lucky ones!”

“Haha! You are in IIT and you are complaining? But its logical - guys in IIT are never satisfied.. thats why you end up in IIT in the first place!”

I went and stood near a mirror. The person from the other end stared back at me and had a million expressions. Some of them being :

* This face ku IIT too much.
* This face ku IIT too much.
* This face ku IIT too much.
* This face ku IIT too much.
* Have you ever seen an IIT campus?
* Have you ever seen an IIT campus?
* Have you ever seen an IIT campus?
* You still have 3 arrears left.
* You still have 3 arrears left.
* You still have 3 arrears left.

But I decided to carry on. Confident machi..confident.

“Oh what a brainy girl..you deserve to be in the IIT :P”

“No thanks. I’m happy this way. And hey btw.. how did u find out that I would be doing engineering too??”

“Oh..that..It’s only natural for anyone to jump into engineering after 12th standard right? Especially for girls..enroll in some engineering college.. slog for 4 years... outperform the boys.. draw margins in assignments.. submit assignments a day in advance.. block 2-3 jobs when the guys struggle to get one.. and then finally give up the jobs to marry some rich guy from America.. this is the life-routine for most girls in Tamilnadu right? :P”

“Ooooohh.. why don’t you give some figures about how many girls take up engineering... how many go on to get jobs.. how many get married to America maapilais? That would be interesting..:P”

“ You think I’m captain Vijaykanth or what? ;) I am weak in those statistics!”

“LOL. You are a funny guy. Anyways.. i got to go.. nice convo after a long time.. bye bye”

It was indeed a nice convo, not after a long time - but for the first time. I just realised that I had spent almost the entire morning session in messaging her. There are a few ways to check if your kadalai session went well - First, you should lose track of time. Second and most important: you should not remember what you spoke. I succeeded in both and found myself smiling - for no reason.

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SMS Minnale - part 2 of 2

The next few weeks saw me completely addicted to my mobile phone. I took it everywhere I went. Literally everywhere. You usually have an entire lifetime to waste when you are in an engineering college and I made maximum use of it. My daily routine was simple:
1. Wake up in the morning and either send or receive messages like :

Morning Coolness,
Rising Sun,
Singing Birds,
Melting Dew,
Along With This
Little Heart
Wishing You A Very
Glorious Good Morning.

2. Go to class and continue messaging

3. Go for lunch.

4. Send/receive messages like :

Give laugh to all but smile to ONE.
Give love to all but heart to ONE.
Give life to all but live for ONE..
Have a cool evening.

5. Continue messaging

6. Continue messaging

7. Send/ Receive messages like:
In this lovely night,
I pray to the sweet moon to protect you through the night,
The wind to blow away your worries,
and,
the twinkle stars to guide you the way,
Sweet dreams and Good Night.

“Who are you messaging at 2 AM da?” Raj, my roomie asked me suddenly.

Taken aback, I stuttered and replied “Not messaging da.. playing a game on the phone.. not getting sleep so just killing time”

“Ooooho.. sounds very convincing.. show me your phone.. I’ll also play the game.. even am unable to sleep”

“Battery low machaan.. got switched off just now.. gonna sleep now..gnite,” I said and immediately deleted my inbox.

There was no way I could tell my friends what I was up to. There are some drawbacks of being a gethu gang member in college - you were not allowed to talk to girls. Friends would first tease you. Then warn you not to trust girls. Then ignore you. Then abuse you. The guys in hostel would think I was some villain and leave me out of their plans. I was not going to let that happen to me.

“Hey.. gotta go now..i’ll be dead if my friends find out i’m messaging a girl so late in the night..don’t ask me why.. thats how these idiots are in hostels :(.. do not reply.. i’ve deleted my inbox.. will msg you tomo.. gnite!” I sent her an SMS before sleeping.

The addiction got worse each day. I ignored food, I ignored sleep, I ignored my studies. All I cared in life was the SMS from her. I succeeded in almost everything - I got to know about her, I got to know about ‘Rahul’, I made her get addicted to her mobile as much as I was to mine. But there were a few questions which I couldn’t find answers to. Firstly, is this love? Secondly, is she an attu figure or good figure? Thirdly, how and when am I going to tell her the truth?

The second question didn’t really matter because I was too addicted to her anyways. The only problems seemed to be the 1st and 3rd questions, and there was only one way I was going to find answers to those - ignore her. Time would solve my confusions, I thought and started ignoring her. Yes, I decided to stop sending or replying to her messages from then on.

It was easier said that done though. My hands would itch to grab the mobile and send her a message - especially when I was sitting bored in a stupid lecture. The first 2-3 days were very extremely difficult. I would get a forward or two from her, which I read and ignored. If the first few days were difficult, the next 2-3 were unbearable.

“Hey.. wassup?”, “Hey..too busy or what? showing off that you are an IIT-an to me eh? Thought you were not one of those nerds? ;)” , “This is why I HATE IIT!”. These were a few messages that I got from her. She would never receive a reply.

A week passed, and it was getting clearer to me that I couldn’t live without her. The first question was answered. Call it love. Cal it friendship. Call it whatever. I wanted to talk to her. But the week also taught me an important thing - that I can’t continue this for long. I HAD to tell her the truth. But how could I suddenly give her such a shock? What if she stops talking to me? What if she goes to the cops? A million questions ran through my mind when my phone beeped.


“Hi.. look I don’t know what happened to you all of a sudden.. its been a while since you contacted me.. I don’t understand why you are avoiding me..but let me tell you one thing.. I don’t think I can be normal without messaging you..I don’t know what else to say.. all I can say is plzzz reply! Miss u :(“

I was happy and sad. I was happy that she missed me. I was sad that I had put her through this. An important question had just been answered. She indeed felt the same way I did. But there was an important and unanswered question. How will she react when I tell her the truth? After all, I was neither Rahul nor an IIT-an. Continue acting - told a part of me. Tell her the truth, said another. I decided not to think. I took my phone, closed my eyes and typed as fast as I could.

“Look Sheela.. I have a confession to make.. I don’t know how to say this. I am not the guy who you think I am. I am not Rahul. My name is Arun Kumar. I do not study in IIT. I am just another engineering student in just another engineering college like you. I realised the very first day you messaged me that I was not the intended recipient but decided to carry on. I know I was being cheap, but I didn’t think it was wrong. It started as a timepass thing but it became much more than that over the weeks.. I dunno if you are fair. I dunno if u r fat. I dunno if u r good looking. I dunno if u r ugly. But I do know that I don’t care. All I care about is YOU. And yes, I do know that I love you. You can choose to swear at me. You can choose to reject me. You can choose to accept me. But please do not choose to ignore me...(i don’t know what smiley to use)..”

I sent the message. I didn’t bother to read it again. My eyes remained close till I heard the next beep.

“Look Arun. I too have a confession to make.. I don’t know how to say this. I am not the girl who you think I am. I am not Sheela. I am Raj - your roomie. Please come immediately to the next room.. all of us are waiting for you :D :D :D”

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tiruvilayadal with trisha 1 of 2

“I’ve been noticing some changes in you in the last few days. Is there anything wrong? The project is at a critical stage and you are our most important resource. We need you to be at your best again. What has happened to you?” asked a worried Sarathy, Raghav’s manager.

“Life sucks. This job sucks.” Said Raghav, one among thousand of software engineers is his company.

“What do you mean? We only have 2 more weeks to go for our first deliverable. We have promised a defect free product for our clients. We need to put in more effort to make sure that they are happy with our work.”

“I want a girlfriend”

“Look, there are certain procedures to follow before we deliver the final product. We need to test for errors and fix all defects and get them certified in 2 days. I am going to assign 2 issues to you. Please complete them soon.”

“My hormones are raging. I want to fix that defect first. Transfer some girl into this god forsaken place.”

“What are you blabbering? What do you want? A hike? A promotion? We can work on it after we complete this project. Please get back to work”

“Yes, I want a promotion in my relationship status. I want a girl. Send a girl, a good looking one if possible, to Chennai to work in our project. I am the only person in our team from here and it would be perfect if you could do that. You have the power to do so – you can always use those two wonderful words – ‘Business Requirements!’.”

“WHAT???????? What is wrong with you? I’m your manager, not your marriage broker! YOU DARE NOT SPEAK LIKE THIS TO ME! I WILL CHUCK YOU OUT OF THIS COMPANY!” barked an angry Sarathy.

“I wouldn’t mind that. Let me know the procedure to apply for resignation.”

Sarathy was too confused to react. He had never faced with such a weird request throughout his career. With clients and deadlines already eating his head, there was no way he could lose Raghav. He had no other option but to budge to this crazy request of his most important resource.

“Ok. I will do it for you, for our project rather. But this is unethical. So I want you to guarantee confidentiality. If this news goes outside, both of us are doomed!”, said Sarathy.

“I understand sir. This stays between us. By the way, who is the girl?”

“Trisha Roy from Delhi. I will send her to work with you. But you know our policies, it will take a while for the transfer formalities to get completed. So please be patient till then and promise me not to come up with weird requests like this. And oh, I shouldn’t be saying this, but.. she looks really good.. ENJOY ;) ”

As these words came out of his manager’s mouth, Raghav went into a world of his own. Trisha Roy – the name represented beauty. It was his best chance to get a girl. A North Indian girl who knew no one in Chennai – it all seemed perfect. Though he wasn’t an expert when it comes to wooing girls, he knew he could rely on his best friend Ram, who had the reputation of being a love Guru. With extreme happiness and excitement, he opened the online messenger:

“Hi Trisha ”

“Hi Raghav”, came the reply, instantaneously.



As the days went by, Raghav’s excitement and expectations increased exponentially. The conversations with her gradually moved from formal to a friendlier manner. Trisha, who was initially skeptical about coming to a place like Chennai which was so different from Delhi, felt much more comfortable about the whole idea of moving to Chennai, thanks to Raghav. Raghav, on his part, did everything he could to impress her. It seemed weird to him that he was actually hitting on a girl who had not even seen, but he trusted his manager Sarathy and something about the name ‘Trisha’ encouraged him to continue flirting.

With only a week to go for Trisha’s arrival in Chennai, his anticipation reached new heights. He was the only person she knew and he wanted to make sure that their first meeting should be a memorable one. He had already hit on many girls unsuccessfully and no longer trusted his own flirting skills; hence he went to his trusted friend and colleague – love guru Ram.

“Dude, there is something I wanted to talk to you about.” Said Raghav

“What is it? A new girl?” asked Ram.

“What? How did you know? No wonder you are called love guru!”

“Well, why else will you come to me after such a long time? Anyways, let me ask you a simple question – worth ah?” asked Ram, casually.

“I don’t know.”

“WTF? You don’t know?”
“I haven’t even seen her man. Her name is Trisha. Something about the name tells me she is worth it. And the way she talks – I’m pretty sure she is worth it!”

Raghav went on to explain everything that had happened and how Trisha was made to come to Chennai. The whole thing seemed too brave for even a guy like Ram.

“Dude! This is insane! How could you do this? And how on earth did the manager agree? But I must appreciate your guts! ” exclaimed Ram.

“Promise me you won’t let this out. And you better help me through this. I’ve put in quite a lot of effort for this and I don’t want to mess up once again. I need your help machaan”

“You’ve called me machaan. So that makes Trisha my sister? I get it! Don’t worry. We’ll correct her”

“We??”

“I meant you! But I wouldn’t mind trying if she really does look good. Anyways, we should first find out how she looks. Just search in facebook. Depending on how she looks, you can proceed further”

Facebook. What Bharathmatrimony is for marriages, facebook is for flirting. A simple search is enough to get details of any youngster in the world. Even if she had enabled privacy settings, the display picture is more than enough to find out how she looked.

“But what if she doesn’t have her picture as the profile pic?” asked Raghav.

“Look, you can easily find out a lot of things from just the display picture. Don’t trust the ones who don’t upload their pic in their profile and have pics of celebrities or cartoons or some random flower or whatever. Also, don’t trust the ones who have used photoshop and added effects like Negative or Black & White and stuff. Just trust the ones who have their own pic, however good or bad it may be.” The love guru explained.

Raghav was tempted to ask why, but he dare not question love guru in his field of expertise. As per Ram’s advice, he searched for Trisha in facebook. He was extremely elated to find out that she looked beautiful, just as he wished and expected. With absolutely no hesitation, he added her to his friends list. Once his friend request was accepted, he went through her entire profile and checked out all the pics. What he saw was just a confirmation that she was indeed very good looking. Just as he finished scanning through her profile, he saw a notification in his home page which read:

Trisha Roy changed her profile pic.
4 minutes ago
27 Likes.
48 comments.

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tiruvilayadal with trisha part 2 of 2

Completely taken aback by the competition he seemed to face, he called up Ram to seek his opinion on future action.

“Machaan.. just added her on facebook and she looks great. She just changed her pic 4 minutes back and there are already 27 Likes and 48 comments! Wait its 32 and 57 now, just as I speak! What should I do? Should I also Like it?” asked Raghav

“ha.. it always happens man. Just go through the comments. You’ll be shocked to find guys and girls in equal numbers commenting.”

“Yeah! You’re right. I can understand if a guy likes and comments on the pic. But why girls???”

“That’s the way it works dude. It is an unsigned agreement among girls. If you Like my picture, however horrible it is, I will like yours, however horrible you may look. In the end, both feel good. Also, just go through the comments – it will be filled with ‘cuuute’, ‘sweetie’ and stuff.”
“Yeah! It’s completely filled with such comments!”

“Yes. That’s how girls display their affection. Closeness among boys is determined by how liberally they use profanity and bad words. For example, if you call me a dog or something, you are a stranger. If you use the F word, you are a friend. If you use the B word, you are a good friend. If you use the SOB word, you are best friends and if you insult each other’s families, you are best buddies!! Whereas for girls, the closeness is determined by how liberally they use words like cute, sweetie, darling etc amongst them. Now forget all that and just click on Like and add a comment ‘aaawwwwwwwww cuuuuuuuuuuteeeeee’ ”

Raghav’s respect for Ram reached new heights. He wished Ram was near him to touch his feet. Speaking nothing, he obeyed Ram’s orders.


Trisha Roy changed her profile pic.
7 minutes ago
You and 72 others Like this
84 comments.


As the week progressed, Raghav’s relationship with Trisha went to the next level. Having got her phone number, they started conversing over phone after office hours. From official talks to facebook chats to telephone conversations – their relationship had come a long way. Even before she arrived in Chennai, Raghav made arrangements for accommodation and other necessities for her. Trisha, like any other girl would, felt extremely happy with the care and affection she was receiving from Raghav.

Trisha reached Chennai and was greeted in the airport by the only person she knew – Raghav. She looked even more gorgeous than in pictures. He took her to her home in his car and had lunch with her.

“This is the first time I’m dining with such a gorgeous girl” said Raghav, trying out one of the pick up lines that struck him.

“Then..do you mean to say you’ve dined with gorgeous guys before?” Said Trisha and started laughing at her own joke.

Raghav took a while to realize that he had to laugh and joined in.

“uh..well no, I was just trying to hit on you. I know you might be used to all these by now. I mean, it is obvious from what I saw in your facebook profile. There are hundreds of guys in the race. You must’ve been bombarded with proposals throughout your school and college life! But I can’t help but join the Queue.”

“haha.. no..trust me, no one hit on me when I was in school or college. All this is very recent.”

“How come? Did you study in some blinds school or something?”

Trisha burst out laughing. Raghav didn’t expect his joke to be received this well but was nevertheless happy.

“No.. anyways, I got to go. See you in office tomorrow. And thanks for all the help by the way. Good night” said Trisha and left.

As the days passed, Trisha and Raghav became a lot closer than before. Being in the same project and cubicle, they were literally together throughout the day. He would drop her home after office and pick her up in the mornings. Both of them knew and understood each other well. Though they were sure that they were in love, neither of them expressed it. Raghav wanted to take their relationship to the next level and approached Ram for tips on how to propose.

“Machaan, please help me out. I really don’t know how to say it to her. I am not able to wait any longer. I wish she would come up and propose to me” said Raghav

“Got a mirror at home?” asked Ram

“Yes, why?”

“Chuck it. Anyways, there is no way I can help you out in this. No amount of preparation would help. So don’t prepare. Just take her out somewhere and tell her everything. I mean EVERYTHING”

“Everything? But how would she react if she gets to know the truth behind the transfer? Won’t she think cheap of me? I don’t think it’s worth the risk!”

“Imagine what she would think of you if she got to know through someone else. Remember, no secret stays secret forever. It is bound to come out in the open, somehow, sometime. So just listen to me and tell her. It’s better if you tell her the truth yourself.” Ram seemed convincing. His authoritative tone suggested he knew what he was talking. Ram’s tips and guidance has helped Raghav reach this far; there is no reason for him to not listen to him again, one last time. He set up his house and arranged for a candle lit dinner. With fear and excitement in his heart, he invited her home for dinner. She obliged. The clock struck 7, when the door bell rang. Raghav switched off all the lights and Trisha was greeted by the brightness of 100s of candles. She was in a Saree and looked more gorgeous than ever. The house looked all the more romantic with the candles and Trisha. He welcomed her in.

“Trisha, I have a confession to make, and it’s a pretty serious one.”

“I have one too, Raghav. You go first”

“uhmm…look dear.. you were not transferred to Chennai for Business Requirements. I forced Sarathy to do it. Call me desperate or whatever, but I wad badly in need of a companion. I wanted to search for one before my parents did so, because if I let them do it, I am sure she wouldn’t be compatible with me. Hence I threatened to quit and made you come here. And that is why you are here. Until I met you and became this close, I always felt slightly guilty for having done all that. But now, I am glad I did it. I think I’m in love with you. I really don’t know how you would take it, but you really would understand me if you were a guy”

She thought for a while, and said “I understand it Raghav, I was one until 3 years back”, she confessed.

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