Friday, September 10, 2010

The Eternal Dilemma part 1

A typical class in any engineering college can be divided into various gangs. While the girls in the class are divided into 2 categories – the good looking ones and the not so good looking ones, the boys are broadly classified into the following gangs:

1. The Gethu gang – this gang easily forms the majority. Anyone and everyone (male) with good sense of humor or ‘kalaaichufying skills’ is welcome to join this gang. Usually found occupying the last rows (if they attend class i.e.). They usually don’t talk to girls or when they do, it’s always with a purpose like notes or textbooks and stuff. Even if some member wants to befriend a girl, fear of being chucked out of the gethu gang makes him control his temptation. Extracurricular activities include drinking, smoking and roaming with fellow gang mates. Language spoken – Tamil. Movies include Tamil masala films and English movies at times (with sub titles). Members of Gethu gang don’t get along well with other gangs.
2. The Dude Gang – forms the minority among boys. Language spoken and movies seen are always English. Possess the knack of impressing girls. Members of dude gang are always seen in groups of 5 or 6 which include 1 or 2 girls. Activities include Pubs, Discos etc. Also known as Peter gang.
3. The Kadala Gang – these are guys who somehow don’t fit into the above said gangs. They possess the ability to easily befriend girls. Always found occupying the middle rows in class and messaging girls two seats away. Possess enough sense of humor to make girls laugh (pretty low i.e.). Act as protectors of girls and show deep care and affection for girls and fellow gang mates.
4. The Padips Gang – as the name says it, these are the nerds who occupy the first row. Possess inhuman ability to stay awake even in post lunch sessions of the mokkayest (most boring) subjects. Usually taken advantage of by other gang members during exam time for notes, books etc. Do not indulge in smoking or drinking and watch movies only if there is no test or exam in the next 2 months, probability of which nears zero.
With the above definitions in mind, let’s get into the story. The story will largely concentrate on the cold war between the Gethu gang and the Kadala gang, as I have no knowledge about the remaining two gangs.


CSE – B of the National College was a class with the above mentioned groups. At the beginning of the first semester, when there was no division in class, all the boys lived peacefully and the teachers who attended CSE – B were a happy lot. But with time, each guy found his own group according to his character and slowly the formation of gangs within the class started. The class somehow managed to stay united for the entire first year. But the beginning of 2nd year marked a complete change in things with the gangs becoming more and more prominent as the students got closer to each other and got to know each other better. The dudes went aloof and lived a peaceful life of their own, never bothering about the other factions in the class. The first benchers were treated like different species altogether and they formed a group (mainly to exchange notes and other materials).The guys who knew how to talk to girls or at least thought so formed the Kadala Gang. The remaining majority who created nuisance to teachers and other sincere students in class formed the Gethu gang. Each group barring the Padips gang had a ‘leader’ (you don’t expect a leader for nerds do you?).

While the guys were divided based on character, the girls were divided based on looks. But one similarity brought them together – studies. Almost all girls in the class somehow managed to do well in academics. They possessed 5 pens of different colors, each used for a different purpose (Blue for writing, black for underlining, red for circling, yellow for highlighting etc). All girls and the Padips gang of guys had the habit of submitting assignments one day earlier than scheduled. They somehow found time and motivation to draw margins and decorate their notes as well.

Raghav Sarathy, famously known as the don from Chennai headed the Gethu gang. He can be best described in one word – Porikki (rogue). The gargantuan lad from puduppetai was a terror for everyone in the class. But for his friends, he was the guy to look up to for any problem or help. He was bighearted and generous guy who was always willing to help the needy by sponsoring for sarakku(booze) and dinner. Raghav never interacted with girls and vice versa. Even if he wanted to for some reason, he would order one of his subordinate gang members to do it for him. His friendly nature with his close friends and gang mates belied his mammoth size.

The Kadala gang too had a leader – Raghu. He was a smart guy much smaller in size compared to Raghav. He was very similar in nature to Raghav, with the only difference that he helped girls while Raghav helped the guys. Raghu was the point of contact for anything and everything related to girls. Some girls looked up to him as a godfather, some as a big brother, some as a savior and some as a true friend.Raghu enjoyed all the adulation and respect he got from girls and other gang members.

For some reason, members of the Gethu gang and Kadala gang never got along well. Some experts say it was because the Gethu gang didn’t know how to talk to girls even though they wanted to, while some say it was because the Kadala gang could never have the fun the Gethu gang had. The Gethu members loved to kalaaichufy(mock) the Kadala members in public, while the Kadala gang never missed out on giving it back to the Gethu gang(which would often be followed by the Kadala gang members laughing along with the girls which infuriated the gethu members further).

The cold war between members of both the gangs was a well known fact and it was a mundane task for each member to try and come up with innovative ideas to mock each other. The Kadala members would come up with ideas to irritate the gethu members and impress the girls, while the gethu members continued to deride the kadala members and the girls to impress their leader Raghav. The usual happenings at the class happened without much participation by the don Raghav, who preferred staying silent and only involved himself if matters went out of hand. Raghu, on the other hand would participate in each and every petty issue and impressed the girls to the maximum limit possible by a human being. Thanks to Raghu, Gandhiji’s idea of freedom was possible, as girls felt safe to roam around even at 12 midnight. Why fear when Raghu is there? One call, Raghu will appear, the girls thought.

The war between the gangs became public in the third year, when the class went for an industrial visit to Bangalore. The trip started peacefully with the usual routine of music and dance in the bus. But in no time, the Gethu members got drunk completely and decided to play pranks. Sensing this, Raghu and the other guards took positions to safeguard each girl. But this time, Raghu was in for a surprise. The leader himself was in action now. Raghav, drunk but steady, came to Ranjini, a good looking, sensitive and a very well mannered girl under Raghu’s guardianship. Ranjini was the heartthrob of every member of the Kadala gang. Though friendly with everyone, she was aware of her limits and knew how to keep people at a distance. Without knowing this, many members of the kadala gang including Raghu had made futile attempts to win her heart. Raghav came next to her and asked her if he could sit near her. A confused Ranjini agreed. He took her hands and placed his huge fingers inside hers. “What the hell is he up to?” thought all the Kadala members and other girls. The kadala leader Raghu was sweating profusely inside the AC bus, but he knew he could do nothing about a drunk and huge Raghav.

“Ranjini.. people here see me as a don.. they see me as a leader..they seem to think I hate girls.. they seem to think I am a rowdy..they seem to think I am a porikki with no heart..I don’t know why I am saying this..but people usually speak the truth when they’re drunk.. I somehow want to be your friend.. don’t mistake me.. I am not hitting on you.. I just want to be your friend.. I don’t know why I chose you.. but somehow.. I feel you are a nice girl who will understand me..i feel we can be really good friends.. it wont be an artificial friendship like how you girls have with Raghu and his friends.. please think about it..” , as these words came out of Raghav’s mouth, the earth stopped rotating, the driver stopped driving, the kadala gang stopped putting kadalai and every other impossible event happened. How could Raghav of all people say this?? Raghu and other members were scared and puzzled.

“I never thought you were such a sweet guy Raghav. I would be more than glad to be your friend. I never had any grudges against you personally and I never looked up on you as a don or a porikki. I am sure we can be good friends like anyone else”, said Ranjini, smiling(blushing). At this moment, Raghu felt his heart burst. He felt numb. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t speak. He couldn’t do anything. What the hell had just happened??

Even as Ranjini continued to blush and others around her gave reactions varying from shock to disappointment, Raghav got up from his seat and went to the last row where the members of Gethu gang were seated and shouted

“Machi…. She trusted me!!!!!!!! Didn’t I tell you? It’s easy to correct girls da! All you need to do is act like a good guy..just like how I did now and how Raghu has been doing for years..hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahha”. The gethu gang members jumped up in joy and hugged their leader. The don had struck a major blow! The don had arrived.Raghu didn’t know what to do. He hung his head in shame. The kadala members were infuriated and vowed to fight back. ‘Thalaivar vaazhga…gethu thalaivan Raghav Vaazhga’ echoed across the bus, even as Ranjini sat at her place, sobbing.

The Eternal Dilemma part 2(final)

Raghu, whose ego was hurt more than Ranjini’s, soon got his opportunity. Raghav and Raghu were group mates in lab, as they were adjacent roll numbers. Raghav, being the dumb guy that he is, had no clue about what was going on and left all the work to the ever sincere Raghu, who had no choice but to complete it as his grades would suffer if he didn’t. Even though the coding was taken care of by Raghu, the viva was a oral one and Raghav had to face the music. When it was their turn, the teacher shot Raghu a question. Raghu, who was very well prepared, stood up, answered and sat down, as Raghav looked in awe. Now was Raghav’s turn. Oh those vivas gave him a scare. Yes, vivas had potential to even scare huge creatures like Raghav. As he stood up, his legs were trembling, causing a minor quake underneath. “What is a Friend Function?” asked the teacher. ‘wtf?’ thought Raghav and looked down to Raghu for some help. Raghu sensed opportunity here and whispered “if a normal function doesn’t perform its function, the friend function takes over and helps out the function.. just like how friends help other friends”. For some reason, Raghav trusted his partner and reproduced the same words in a loud and confident manner. As soon as he completed the answer, everyone in class except 2 people was ROTFL. One of them was Raghav, who stood confused, and the other was the teacher who spoke some unsavory words which are best left censored before saying “GET OUT OF THE CLASS”. The Kadala members gave a thumbs up sign to their leader and exchanged smiles with girls, as the Gethu members saw their leader walk out slowly like Rajnikanth in the film Muthu.


The incident sparked off yet another round of never ending arguments and fights between the two gangs, with the gethu gang emerging winners most of the time. The gethu gang members stopped talking to girls completely, and the only time they did was when they made prank calls before exams (somehow, everything else seems interesting before an exam!). The kadala members participated in various extracurricular activities and continued to impress the girls.

In the meantime, time flew and before they knew, it was final semester. It was time for the final year project. As luck would have it, Raghav was put in a group with Raghu, Ranjini, 3 other girls and 2 other Kadala members. Worse, he had to go out of campus and finish his project in a company with his group members. It was like Sachin Tendulkar forced to play cricket for Pakistan! It was just not possible. How would he live away from his friends for 4 months? How would he live with Raghu and other members? He felt so out of place that he even considered quitting Engineering, but sense prevailed and he found himself parting with his Gethu members for a 4 month stint with Kadala members. The kadala members, understanding his situation, had a hearty laugh and used every opportunity to bring down the mountain. He was cornered, he was helpless. He tried putting up a brave face but deep within, he knew he was like the character in the movie Chennai 28 where Jai cried inside the bathroom. How will he adjust? How will he get along with the girls? How will he laugh for lame jokes to impress girls? How will he act artificial to make girls laugh? All these questions haunted him. It was too embarrassing for him to handle but he didn’t have a choice.

During the initial week, all the members were given modules and 2 of them had to share 1 system. To his dismay, Raghav had to share his system with the worst possible person in the group – not Raghu, it was Ranjini. He was a big zero when it came to programming, but there was no way he was going to ask her help after what he did to her a year back. He silently sat next to her as she did their work. It was too humiliating as she didn’t even treat him like a stranger, she completely ignored his presence. During lunch time, everyone in their gang would eat together. Raghav had no option but to eat alone. He would quickly eat and get back to his system.A week passed and they had to report their progress to their team lead. For the entire week, though he had sat next to her throughout the day, they didn’t speak even a single word. Now, the need had come for him to talk to her. With a lot of hesitation, he spoke.
”Ranjini”, he said as she turned. “I really don’t know how to talk to you after what I did the other day. No amount of apologies would suffice. But as you know, I know absolutely nothing about what’s going on in the project and what you are doing. I wont even understand it if I tried reading it myself. I would flunk the project big time if you don’t help. Frankly, it’s very embarrassing to sit idle all day. Please explain to me if you feel you should so that I can talk something during the viva...” he said, and walked away for lunch, without even waiting for a reply.

As he was eating alone in the food court, a familiar face came with a plate in hand to sit next to him. It was Ranjini. He was surprised but happy. He didn’t know how to react. He struggled to keep himself normal.

“Relax”, said Ranjini. “I know what you did to me was wrong. I felt really hurt when you did it. But I got over it soon. I have no grudges against you. But I didn’t talk to you the entire week because I too felt embarrassed, just like you. Nothing else. I realized how harsh I had been only when you came and spoke to me today. Do you remember what you said to me during the IV in the bus? I still think we can be good friends. I trust you will not hurt me again. I know you are a nice guy.”

“I would’ve cried in happiness had I been a girl. Thanks so much Ranjini. And sorry once again”, said Raghav.

“No sorrys and Thank Yous between good friends. From tomorrow, join the gang for lunch. Don’t say no. it’s an order... and oh... I will teach you the module today after lunch”, she said and walked away.

After the day, Raghav went back to his room with a multitude of thoughts. How could he have hurt such a nice girl? It felt nice to talk to a girl. He finally sympathized with Raghu. He had been a barren land for years. Now, he sensed a little bit of rain. But amongst these thoughts, he was suddenly reminded of a more important problem – how on earth was he going to have lunch with a group of guys and girls from the Kadala gang?????????

The next day, he went to his system in a happier mood. “Ranjini.. please understand.. I cant come for lunch with everyone.. you know it.. I wont get along well with them..they don’t like me either..it’ll be embarrassing for everyone.. I feel comfortable eating alone.. or at max with you.. but its just not possible to eat with everyone..and I know it wont be nice if we ate together leaving the rest.. so please let me alone..”

“Shut up and come with us. Did you think you could ever be my friend? No right? So don’t pass judgments before knowing people. I will talk to them and they will make you feel comfortable within the group. Don’t worry. Shut up and sit now while I code.” barked Ranjini.

Raghav’s reactions can be divided into 3 parts:

Raghav’s mind : ‘wtf!! Mariyaadha rumba korayudhu?(no respect at all?). not even my best friends had spoken to me like this..not even when they were drunk!!’

Raghav’s heart : ‘ *blushes*. Feels so nice when a girl takes so much rights in you to talk in this manner’

Raghav’s mouth : “err.. okay…if you say so..”.

Soon, it was time for lunch. Raghav went along with Ranjini to join the Kadala gang. He wondered what his gang’s reaction would be if they saw this. He felt scared. He felt nervous. He dare not inform his friends about these developments. He had to put up with Raghu. He had to put up with the other Kadala members. He had to put up with girls. His only savior was Ranjini.As they started to eat, they started talking about the usual mokka(boring) stuff.

‘hey .. ivan un aalu..’ …*giggles*.
’ hey..ava un aalu..’ * giggles giggles*
‘ hey Swetha, nee modhalla saaapdu’, said one guy.
‘inga modhala elaam kidaikkumaa saapda?’, said Swetha as the whole group burst into laughter, leaving Raghav with a shocked expression which conveyed various meanings :

1. WTF?
2. how could people laugh for this?
3. how could this be classified as a joke?
4. how could a guy laugh for this?
5. why don’t girls have good sense of humor?


Ranjini, on her part tried her best to keep him involved in the conversation. After lunch, as they went back to their desks, she asked him “how was your experience with the ‘kadala gang’?”

“err.. it was ok.. except that I found the jokes to be pretty lame..frankly, I can’t get myself to be this artificial..”

“haha.. I can understand..thats exactly what I like in you... but don’t worry..you will get used to this..:P ;)”

There is something about a girl’s wink which makes you forget who you are. Raghav certainly forgot that he was head of the Gethu gang back in college. As days passed, he found himself completely attracted to Ranjini. He spent the entire day time with her at the desk and even went out with her a couple of times. He knew for sure that she didn’t have any intentions but he was pulled towards her by a strong force – you can call it love or attraction or infatuation or whatever, but he just wanted to be with her. He even got along well with the Kadala members. All this, without his friends knowing of course!

Weeks flew and the project got over. It happened so that their module was chosen as the best one in the group. All credit to Ranjini, of course. She was elated and gave him a big hug! It took him by surprise and this is exactly when he knew it. He knew that he was in love! He wished he could tell her, but there was no way she was going to accept and he didn’t want to lose a wonderful friend. More than that, he didn’t want his gang members to ever know about all this! All these thoughts made him keep it to himself. But to his surprise, that night, he received a message on his mobile:

“Next Friday, on our farewell, I want to tell you something very important. It happens to be my birthday too!! And I am sure you will be happy. Now go back to your friends and keep guessing for a week!! :D. gnite. Sweet dreams! And oh..btw.. you were a wonderful partner to work with.. though you never worked ;) lol ”

This is all he needed! He knew it! She felt the same too. With a million thoughts, he went to his house. One week felt like one year! He missed her badly. He wanted to hear from her. He messaged her a thousand times asking what it was about, but there was no way she was going to tell him! ‘Damn it. These girls make even the hardest of persons go crazy!’, he thought.

Friday came. Farewell day. The end of an era. The end of college life. So many fights, so many arguments, so many friends, so many ups, so many downs. In a way, college life was the biggest experience in life. It had everything. Friendship, love, enmity - he experienced it all! It was also the day he got back to his Gethu gang after 4 months. He missed them, but he was more than happy with what he had got. There was no way his friends were going to understand if he told them about the developments. After all, he was the don of the class. He was their leader. He himself had insulted so many couples. He used to mock at the idea of falling in love. But now, he was facing it himself. How would the gang feel if he told them he loves Ranjini? He couldn’t even imagine. They would feel the way Indians would feel if Sachin was accused of Match fixing. They would probably not even give it a thought. “Mokka podaadha da” , might be their reply!

Which one was a wrong choice? Falling in love? Or being in the gethu gang? So many questions came to his mind. Then he saw his angel walking into the hall in a saree. It was her birthday as well. There was no way he was going to talk to her directly in front of his friends. So he went to the restroom for some privacy and sent her a text message:

“You look gorgeous in saree. Happy birthday. What were you going to tell me?? Cant wait. Tell me now”
5 minutes after he sent the message, he got 2 messages in his inbox.

He opened the one from Ranjini :

“ Thanks. Thanks :D. no way. Come to the coffee shop at Besant Nagar after the farewell. I would like to see your reaction when I tell you. Till then, keep guessing :P”


Blushing, he saw the next Message. It was from his friend Pandirajan :

“Dey naaye.. we are going to get sarakku for party tonight.. farewell sarakku.. last time! Come to Arvind’s terrace at the end of the mokka farewell party..varalenaa konnuduven.. some 35 guys are coming..vandhu seru..bye..”.

(dog.. we are gonna get drinks for party tonight.. farewell booze..last time! Will kill you if you don’t come..be there.. bye.”)


………..and he was faced with the everlasting question to which no guy has found a proper answer –

“Figure ah? Friend ah?”

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Cricket @ elliots

23rd April 2000. 5 30 AM. The telephone rang. An annoyed Lakshmanan gets up and answers the call.

"Hello"

"Hello uncle, Aadarsh here. Is Karthik awake? He needs to get ready for the match. Please wake him up"

"What match? he never mentioned about any match"

"No uncle. Not a school/ club match. We are going to elliots beach to play tennis ball cricket.we need to be there by 6 AM sharp. please wake him up"

"If only you were not a 13 year old", says Lakshmanan and wakes up his son. "Dai.. endhiri da . You need to be at Elliots SHARP at 6.the Sun refuses to rise without seeing you guys playing in the beach. Aadarsh is waiting on the phone.thookkam pochu.."

Karthik looks at the clock. 5 35! Damn. Already running late. shaking off the laziness, he picks up the receiver.

"o*ha !@#^$##$# $&^$^$&^ %^#%^#%^#%@%#$%^ #^#%^#^# @#%@%%@%@%.. its 5 40! ", says Aadarsh

"what wonderful words to start the day with. Sorry machaan. slept a bit late. will be ready in a jiffy. See you there.", and Karthik hangs up the phone and turned back.

"What word did u just use? Do you even know what machaan means? it means your sister is his girlfriend and his sister is your girlfriend!!", barked Lakshmanan.

"Dad, no! say it the other way. his girlfriend is my sister, and my girlfriend is his sister . Anyways, no time for lectures dad. need to leave soon. Bye! "

A totally shocked father lost his sleep and watched his son get ready to leave. Amazing how kids get ready so soon when they are going to do something they enjoy, he thought, and saw his son leave in his cycle.

Cycling as fast as he could in his top gear cycle, Karthik reached the beach at 6 15 and parked the cycle, fearing abuses from his friends for being late. He went to the usual spot, opposite the Dwaraka bungalow, to find out that he was the first person to make it. with no mobiles or any other mode of communication, he waited in the sun (yes the sun does rise pretty early during summer), thinking 'idhukku dhaan ivlo build up ah? varattum vechukkaren' .

slowly everyone started coming, and the last one to reach the beach was Mr.Punctual Aadarsh who woke me up at 5 30 in the morning. Walking up to him, i said " !#$!@#$@#%@#%@%@%@%@#$%"

"Sorry da. Last minute urgent work. morning duties. purinjikko "

After a lot of deliberations about the rules and the team composition, it was decided that the teams would consist of 8 members each, and rules will be as per convenience of the smartest and the person who can argue better :P.

With 12 overs per side, the cycle's back tyre as stumps, the pavement where uncles and aunties walk in the morning as boundaries , only leg side runs allowed and a million other flexible rules, the battle began. There was no prize for winning the match, but victory would be special, as the match was between 7 A and 7 B.Friendship doesn't matter, nothing does. Each of us wanted our team to win much more badly than we ever want to while representing the school in inter school tournaments (probably explains why IPL seems more important than playing for India!). The winner gets to put a lot of scene in school in front of the girls once it reopens and that’s a good enough motivation.

The toss was won by Karthik from 7 A and after a lot of arguments with Aadarsh, the captain of 7 B who wanted a best of 3 toss (man he is a prick!) , 7 A went on to bat first.The 12 overs saw 178 arguments, 84 runs and 4 wickets.(in real, 7 A only scored 74. Never mind the extra 10 ;), they get compensated by the number of times the opponent cheats!)

With a tough chase of 85 in 12 overs, 7 B started off well and raced ahead to 45 runs in 6 overs with 1 wicket down. Aadarsh, a powerful hitter, had got the team off to a good start and looked increasingly uncontrollable. With reputation at stake, Karthik, who was keeping wickets, came up with a master move. Silently, slowly and gradually, he moved the cycle to its left ,and without noticing it, Aadarsh was exposing his leg stump (leg stump is imaginary). The next ball was bowled wide of his legs, and Aadarsh, not knowing the change in stump position, left the ball and asked for a wide, only to hear the death rattle. A disappointed and totally shocked Aadarsh tried hard to argue, in vain. The main man was gone, and victory seemed a mere formality now. But there is a prem ji in every team, and there were many prem jis in 7 A. Like the Indian team, an easy win is a crime, and the match stretched till the last over. with 7 B requiring 10 runs from 6 balls.

The first 4 balls read:

2 0 3 1 0

4 required of 1. Tension in both the camps as Aadarsh and Karthik came up with innovative ideas of bongu aattam. After a 10 minute discussion, play resumed.

(Read in slow motion)

Field set. Bowler runs in to bowl.its a full toss. what a time to bowl a full toss! batsman smashes it high over mid wicket. 2 fielders running towards it. will they catch it? batsmen have already run a couple in the meantime. Ball swoops down and falls right in between a group of 20 elderly thaathaas who were having a conference in the beach for god knows what. One of the thaathaas took the ball and play was stopped.

"Thaathaa, ball please", all of us asked.

"cricket vilayaada edame illaya da ungalukku? poi mydhaanathula vilayaadunga" said the Thaatha, and they took the ball and dispersed.

Sin Jin

It was 01 30 AM. Sin Jin, a student of South Korean university was in her living room, preparing for her Mathematics exam. She was racing against time to prepare for the semester exam the next day. It seemed impossible to even keep her eyes open, let alone learn math, of all subjects! Deciding to sleep for a while, she closed her book and slept on the couch. As her eyes started to close gradually, she was awakened by a knock on the window. Startled, she woke up. "Who is it at this hour?", she thought. In two minds, whether to open the window or not, she got up from the couch. Curiosity got the better of her fear, and she walked up to the window slowly, and opened it, hands trembling.

"Dear child, sorry to disturb you at this hour, but this is the only house with lights on now. My grandson is feeling very sick. Can you please show me directions to reach the hospital?” It was an old lady, with a small kid in her arm, asking for help.

Sin Jin was relieved. Gathering back her senses, she showed her the directions to reach the nearest hospital.

"Thanks. May god bless you", said the lady, and left immediately.

Smiling at herself for being such a coward, Sin Jin went back to the couch. The lady had done more than enough to wake her up. Deciding to go back to something more scary- math, she washed her face and refreshed herself.

But it was only when she opened her book did she realize that she lived in the 10th floor of the apartment!

America Maapilais

At the end of twelfth standard, you are forced to take the supposedly most important decision of your life, ie, your career path.Its not a very difficult decision to make,for two kinds of people-those who are clear in what they want, and those who have no idea about what they want. The former choose their path and be happy, while the latter either go with the flow or let their parents decide. This story is about the remaining majority, who fall in a separate, indefinable category.

Somehow, most of the students in this group end up in engineering colleges, especially the B grade ones. Your life takes a total U-turn when you end up in one of those hostels.You definitely feel homesick initially, but with time your life is filled with Independence, new friends, fun and what not (though you got to adjust with the so called food provided in mess).College life is divided into two : the real college life, and the hostel life. While the former is filled with sleep inducing lectures by highly irritating lecturers, the latter is filled with unlimited fun with friends amidst yucky food.

The first two years pass by and before you realise,the fun you have in hostel slowly but surely rubs over to classes as well.You are usually one among the last benchers and are a nightmare for the staff.Gradually,you get so attached to your friends that the weekends where you usually went home to visit parents are taken up by trips to every place in and around the state.Exam times are filled with sleepless nights of preparation and bit preparation.Your parents dont understand what a CGPA means and how it is calculated (how will they, when you yourself dont?), and assume that their son is doing well in college. You, in the meantime, huff and puff to be a 7 pointer (decent enough).

Third year comes, and every staff you meet reminds you about the placements at the end of the year and threaten you if you don’t behave. Friends around you become a little bit more serious in life for sake of placements. Placement season starts and you end up in one of the IT majors in India.

But its at the beginning on final year where life takes a real U turn.History repeats itself and you find yourself at the same state you were in before joining college - You again dont know what to do in life. Again, the smart ones who know what to do work towards that, and those who have no idea dont give a damn. For you though, its decision time. You weigh your options.

Option 1: CAT - ruled out.Reason :too tough and too ambitious.(As goundamani says in one of his movies:'idhu Raja Anna Malai puram(read as IIM in our context) poradhukku moonji alla, Kannamaapettai pora moonji dhaan idhu').

Option 2:GATE-ruled out. Reason:Requires work experience and too difficult.

Option 3:Join the company you got placed in - keep as back up.

Option 4:IAS-ruled out. reason :Again, Raja anna malai puram.

Option 4: GRE.

GRE..MS..US..sounds perfect! The US of A! All of a sudden, you feel a burning desire to do something worthwhile and end up in the states. You know seniors who you thought will never make it in life currently doing MS in the states.Seniors who never thought beyond local tasmacs posing in the hi fi pubs and clubs in US.You get to hear the (mis)adventures of the guys there.Girls, pubs ,clubs etc etc..everything is easily accessible!And you end up with an MS degree too! The whole idea seems great.A not so tough exam and you are in one THE most happening places in the world.USA..USA says your heart and you collect information about the process to end up in US.

Finally you too have an ambition in life and decide to give your best.With full enthusiasm, you buy the most important book in your life- the Barron's GRE.You sneek it past your hostel-mates (who would go shouting across the hostel corridor 'machaaaaaaaan ivan GRE elaam padikaraaan daaaaaaaaaaaaa' if they get to know) and enter your room and open the book. A cursory glance through the book and you can feel your desire and ambition falling down from Dodda betta to Coimbatore. 3600 words, for a guy who doesn't read the papers and doesn't read novels! W T F?! How on earth is it possible, says your mind.Don't give up, says your heart.You decide to give your heart and soul to GRE preparations.Almost every free time you have is dedicated to the never ending word lists 10 Words at a time becomes one page at a time which leads to one word list at a time.The journey from Abase to Zephyr is like a train journey from Beach to Chengalpet; its long, never ending,sleep inducing and highly irritating.There are many stages where you sit and wonder if its worth all the trouble.You imagine yourself as a software engineer in a year's time.

'aah..software engineer..i'l have all that i want.. money,respect,friends,parties etc ..one year la bike vaangi, oora suthi, weekends movie paathu, 3 years la car vaangi, oru veedu vaangi, veetla paakkara ponna kalyanam panni jammunu settle aaidalaam..adha vittutu GRE,TOEFL,VISA,MS,US,Assignments,Research,Funding,RA,TA etc...idhelaam unakku thevaya??', says your mind.

But all you have to do is imagine yourself with a Black chick on one side and a white on the other to get that driving force to get back to barrons.You fix dates for mock tests and model exams instead of fixing dates with girls.

"Machi ivan overaa poraan.. ivana inime engayum koopdaadha..ooty dhaan vara maatengaraan ok..but oru movie kooda varala nu solraan? romba over..adhaan place aagitta la..aprom enna?..America pora moonji a paaru".You learn to ignore such encouraging words from friends.

You even carry your barrons to your hometown and go to your terrace to study.You see an LKG kid, your neighbour, with a book in hand.

"What are you reading kanna?", you ask.

"English uncle.A for apple , B for ball,C for cat", says the kid.You dont even feel bad that the kid called you an uncle. You look at your book which reads :

abase v.: To lower in position, estimation, or the like; degrade.

abbess n.: The lady superior of a nunnery.

abbey n.: The group of buildings which collectively form the dwelling-place of a society of monks or nuns.

You dont know whether to laugh or cry.You force yourself to overcome all this.So much for USA!

D day arrives.The exam starts off with the essay section where you are asked to write about your favourite place in the world.'AAH..perrrrrfect start to the exam', you think, and start crapping all you know about New York and USA until the system itself throws a warning asking you to STFU and proceed with the next question.You are over the moon when you see a 1300+ score on your screen!

Friends :"Congrats machi..inime namba oor suthalaam!".

You:"No da.. TOEFL irukku padikkanum".

Friends:"Podaaangu #%^$%$%&$&^&*^%&&&&&&&&&&%@#^@^%&%^@%&^&^@&^%&^%&^"

The whole routine starts again.TOEFL TOEFL says your heart. A comparitively easier exam, though the longest and most irritating one you've ever faced.

Results come out and you get a decent score.Second hurdle crossed!

Friends:"enna machi..atleast now will you be back to normal senses?".

You:"No da..SOP ezhudhanum".

Friends:"Podaaangu #%^$%$%&$&^&*^%&&&&&&&&&&%@#^@^%&%^@%&^&^@&^%&^%&^"

Third stage.SOP.Statement of Purpose.You browse the internet and get to know that SOPs

1.Should be original.

2.should not be an autobiography

3.Should say about your projects

4.should say why you want to join the university and why the course.

etc..

You say to yourself. "wtf purpose? USA is the purpose!". But sadly, you cant put it that way and you end up spending the next few weeks drafting your SOP.

Friends:"enna machi..atleast now will you be back to normal senses?".

You:"No da..Recommendation letter vaanganum".

Friends:"Podaaangu #%^$%$%&$&^&*^%&&&&&&&&&&%@#^@^%&%^@%&^&^@&^%&^%&^"

You run behind the very staff you sat at last row and kalaaichufied 2 years back.Its pay-back time for them. The very idea of you going to US makes them go 'rotfllmao'.One of them sweetly says "dont worry child, i'l give you a good reco. After all, India needs real independence na??".You smile sheepishly and manage to get decent recommendation letters.

All set.You decide on 5 universities, and send in your applications.Finally you are free. an entire semester dedicated to preparations for US.So much effort.SO many sacrifices.So many insults.So much at stake.The semester holidays are over and your final year 'project' starts.You are more worried about your US applications though.

one by one, the results come.

Reject.Reject.Reject.Reject.

Your hopes come down CRASHING!Friends, parents and everyone you see console you and ask you to keep hopes alive.You suddenly find yourself visiting temples. So much for an admit, eh?

"Machi..got to know that the results are out da..check yours..will pray for your admit", says a friend.

You rush to the internet center.Nervous,excited and desire. You pray to the allmighty and login to your mailbox.

2 unread messages.

1st one from your classmate in college:

From :Kaandhaari

SUbj:Marriage invitation

You decide to open it later and see the 2nd one.The most important mail of your life.

From : State University of New York

Subj:regarding MS program

you close your eyes and you click on it.

"Dear *******,

Thank you for your interest in the MS program of the Department of Computer Science and Engineering at the State University of New York at Buffalo. We received over 1000 applications to this program, and many deserving students could not be admitted due to limitations of class size. We sincerely regret our inability to offer you admission to our MS program at Buffalo."

You read it again as tears roll down your cheeks.Silence, shock and depression.

"Why the hell did i even have an ambition? i was happier without it!"

Your friends help you come back to senses.Thank god for creating friends.

Then you remember the 1st mail from Kaandhari.

You open it with a blank mind and read the content :

"

Hi all,

i'm getting married to Raman on 5th august this year in ABC kalyana mahal at Tirupur.I will be settling down in New York, USA with my husband after completing my 3 arrears : ).Please find attached the marriage invitation and do attend the wedding.

Thanks,

Kaandhari

"

So easy isn't it? 'If only i was a girl'.Completely outraged, you do the only thing you can. Login to Facebook and update your status

"DAMN YOU - AMERICA MAAPPILAIS"!!