Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Cricket @ elliots

23rd April 2000. 5 30 AM. The telephone rang. An annoyed Lakshmanan gets up and answers the call.

"Hello"

"Hello uncle, Aadarsh here. Is Karthik awake? He needs to get ready for the match. Please wake him up"

"What match? he never mentioned about any match"

"No uncle. Not a school/ club match. We are going to elliots beach to play tennis ball cricket.we need to be there by 6 AM sharp. please wake him up"

"If only you were not a 13 year old", says Lakshmanan and wakes up his son. "Dai.. endhiri da . You need to be at Elliots SHARP at 6.the Sun refuses to rise without seeing you guys playing in the beach. Aadarsh is waiting on the phone.thookkam pochu.."

Karthik looks at the clock. 5 35! Damn. Already running late. shaking off the laziness, he picks up the receiver.

"o*ha !@#^$##$# $&^$^$&^ %^#%^#%^#%@%#$%^ #^#%^#^# @#%@%%@%@%.. its 5 40! ", says Aadarsh

"what wonderful words to start the day with. Sorry machaan. slept a bit late. will be ready in a jiffy. See you there.", and Karthik hangs up the phone and turned back.

"What word did u just use? Do you even know what machaan means? it means your sister is his girlfriend and his sister is your girlfriend!!", barked Lakshmanan.

"Dad, no! say it the other way. his girlfriend is my sister, and my girlfriend is his sister . Anyways, no time for lectures dad. need to leave soon. Bye! "

A totally shocked father lost his sleep and watched his son get ready to leave. Amazing how kids get ready so soon when they are going to do something they enjoy, he thought, and saw his son leave in his cycle.

Cycling as fast as he could in his top gear cycle, Karthik reached the beach at 6 15 and parked the cycle, fearing abuses from his friends for being late. He went to the usual spot, opposite the Dwaraka bungalow, to find out that he was the first person to make it. with no mobiles or any other mode of communication, he waited in the sun (yes the sun does rise pretty early during summer), thinking 'idhukku dhaan ivlo build up ah? varattum vechukkaren' .

slowly everyone started coming, and the last one to reach the beach was Mr.Punctual Aadarsh who woke me up at 5 30 in the morning. Walking up to him, i said " !#$!@#$@#%@#%@%@%@%@#$%"

"Sorry da. Last minute urgent work. morning duties. purinjikko "

After a lot of deliberations about the rules and the team composition, it was decided that the teams would consist of 8 members each, and rules will be as per convenience of the smartest and the person who can argue better :P.

With 12 overs per side, the cycle's back tyre as stumps, the pavement where uncles and aunties walk in the morning as boundaries , only leg side runs allowed and a million other flexible rules, the battle began. There was no prize for winning the match, but victory would be special, as the match was between 7 A and 7 B.Friendship doesn't matter, nothing does. Each of us wanted our team to win much more badly than we ever want to while representing the school in inter school tournaments (probably explains why IPL seems more important than playing for India!). The winner gets to put a lot of scene in school in front of the girls once it reopens and that’s a good enough motivation.

The toss was won by Karthik from 7 A and after a lot of arguments with Aadarsh, the captain of 7 B who wanted a best of 3 toss (man he is a prick!) , 7 A went on to bat first.The 12 overs saw 178 arguments, 84 runs and 4 wickets.(in real, 7 A only scored 74. Never mind the extra 10 ;), they get compensated by the number of times the opponent cheats!)

With a tough chase of 85 in 12 overs, 7 B started off well and raced ahead to 45 runs in 6 overs with 1 wicket down. Aadarsh, a powerful hitter, had got the team off to a good start and looked increasingly uncontrollable. With reputation at stake, Karthik, who was keeping wickets, came up with a master move. Silently, slowly and gradually, he moved the cycle to its left ,and without noticing it, Aadarsh was exposing his leg stump (leg stump is imaginary). The next ball was bowled wide of his legs, and Aadarsh, not knowing the change in stump position, left the ball and asked for a wide, only to hear the death rattle. A disappointed and totally shocked Aadarsh tried hard to argue, in vain. The main man was gone, and victory seemed a mere formality now. But there is a prem ji in every team, and there were many prem jis in 7 A. Like the Indian team, an easy win is a crime, and the match stretched till the last over. with 7 B requiring 10 runs from 6 balls.

The first 4 balls read:

2 0 3 1 0

4 required of 1. Tension in both the camps as Aadarsh and Karthik came up with innovative ideas of bongu aattam. After a 10 minute discussion, play resumed.

(Read in slow motion)

Field set. Bowler runs in to bowl.its a full toss. what a time to bowl a full toss! batsman smashes it high over mid wicket. 2 fielders running towards it. will they catch it? batsmen have already run a couple in the meantime. Ball swoops down and falls right in between a group of 20 elderly thaathaas who were having a conference in the beach for god knows what. One of the thaathaas took the ball and play was stopped.

"Thaathaa, ball please", all of us asked.

"cricket vilayaada edame illaya da ungalukku? poi mydhaanathula vilayaadunga" said the Thaatha, and they took the ball and dispersed.

Sin Jin

It was 01 30 AM. Sin Jin, a student of South Korean university was in her living room, preparing for her Mathematics exam. She was racing against time to prepare for the semester exam the next day. It seemed impossible to even keep her eyes open, let alone learn math, of all subjects! Deciding to sleep for a while, she closed her book and slept on the couch. As her eyes started to close gradually, she was awakened by a knock on the window. Startled, she woke up. "Who is it at this hour?", she thought. In two minds, whether to open the window or not, she got up from the couch. Curiosity got the better of her fear, and she walked up to the window slowly, and opened it, hands trembling.

"Dear child, sorry to disturb you at this hour, but this is the only house with lights on now. My grandson is feeling very sick. Can you please show me directions to reach the hospital?” It was an old lady, with a small kid in her arm, asking for help.

Sin Jin was relieved. Gathering back her senses, she showed her the directions to reach the nearest hospital.

"Thanks. May god bless you", said the lady, and left immediately.

Smiling at herself for being such a coward, Sin Jin went back to the couch. The lady had done more than enough to wake her up. Deciding to go back to something more scary- math, she washed her face and refreshed herself.

But it was only when she opened her book did she realize that she lived in the 10th floor of the apartment!

TR the bear claims he predicted Spain victory

Even as TR's latest African tribal song continues to inspire millions of youngsters all over the world, the bear from Tamil Nadu joins the list of animals which includes an octopus, a parrot and a crocodile claiming to have extra sensory perception, particularly when it comes to football.The bear, whose tummy in itself looks like a football, claims he predicted a Spain victory even before the WC started. "I always knew it.I didn't want to make a big deal out of it and spoil the thrill by going public with the predictions. Thats the only reason i kept it to myself. But seeing my fellow jungle mates go public about their supposed psychic powers, I decided to tell the truth too" .Reactions have poured in from all quarters on the latest revelation by TR the bear. Youngsters from TN are going crazy in Facebook and Youtube unilaterally supporting TR with slogans like 'TR Vaazhga', 'Karadi kills octopus','TR **** ***". On contacting Facebook, the website said "Yes, we've noticed that 90% of the users from TamilNadu have set status messages about TR. He is creating waves. Looks like he has a huge fan base".

But some people are not amused by TR's latest entry into the prediction game. "Its just a gimmick to gain media attention. Cheap publicity.Nothin else. He can try as much but he can never be as famous as me", says Balayya from Tollywood, a close competitor for TR in the most-watched-funny-clips-in-youtube category. TR strongly refuted the claims. "I do NOT need any publicity. I am a Tamilan. Search for TR in youtube and you will know how many people watch my videos daily.People love me.I dont care about publicity.I have enough", says TR, who clearly forgot to read the comments below the videos.

TR's latest entry into the prediction game opens a lot of opportunities for him in future. Sources say that Lalit Modi is in contact with TR to know his future in IPL-4 and has promised the bear a special show before every match where TR will predict the winner of the match.

On being asked to predict the winner of cricket world cup in 2011, the bear said "oh..err...hmmmm..well lets wait for it to finish..." .

America Maapilais

At the end of twelfth standard, you are forced to take the supposedly most important decision of your life, ie, your career path.Its not a very difficult decision to make,for two kinds of people-those who are clear in what they want, and those who have no idea about what they want. The former choose their path and be happy, while the latter either go with the flow or let their parents decide. This story is about the remaining majority, who fall in a separate, indefinable category.

Somehow, most of the students in this group end up in engineering colleges, especially the B grade ones. Your life takes a total U-turn when you end up in one of those hostels.You definitely feel homesick initially, but with time your life is filled with Independence, new friends, fun and what not (though you got to adjust with the so called food provided in mess).College life is divided into two : the real college life, and the hostel life. While the former is filled with sleep inducing lectures by highly irritating lecturers, the latter is filled with unlimited fun with friends amidst yucky food.

The first two years pass by and before you realise,the fun you have in hostel slowly but surely rubs over to classes as well.You are usually one among the last benchers and are a nightmare for the staff.Gradually,you get so attached to your friends that the weekends where you usually went home to visit parents are taken up by trips to every place in and around the state.Exam times are filled with sleepless nights of preparation and bit preparation.Your parents dont understand what a CGPA means and how it is calculated (how will they, when you yourself dont?), and assume that their son is doing well in college. You, in the meantime, huff and puff to be a 7 pointer (decent enough).

Third year comes, and every staff you meet reminds you about the placements at the end of the year and threaten you if you don’t behave. Friends around you become a little bit more serious in life for sake of placements. Placement season starts and you end up in one of the IT majors in India.

But its at the beginning on final year where life takes a real U turn.History repeats itself and you find yourself at the same state you were in before joining college - You again dont know what to do in life. Again, the smart ones who know what to do work towards that, and those who have no idea dont give a damn. For you though, its decision time. You weigh your options.

Option 1: CAT - ruled out.Reason :too tough and too ambitious.(As goundamani says in one of his movies:'idhu Raja Anna Malai puram(read as IIM in our context) poradhukku moonji alla, Kannamaapettai pora moonji dhaan idhu').

Option 2:GATE-ruled out. Reason:Requires work experience and too difficult.

Option 3:Join the company you got placed in - keep as back up.

Option 4:IAS-ruled out. reason :Again, Raja anna malai puram.

Option 4: GRE.

GRE..MS..US..sounds perfect! The US of A! All of a sudden, you feel a burning desire to do something worthwhile and end up in the states. You know seniors who you thought will never make it in life currently doing MS in the states.Seniors who never thought beyond local tasmacs posing in the hi fi pubs and clubs in US.You get to hear the (mis)adventures of the guys there.Girls, pubs ,clubs etc etc..everything is easily accessible!And you end up with an MS degree too! The whole idea seems great.A not so tough exam and you are in one THE most happening places in the world.USA..USA says your heart and you collect information about the process to end up in US.

Finally you too have an ambition in life and decide to give your best.With full enthusiasm, you buy the most important book in your life- the Barron's GRE.You sneek it past your hostel-mates (who would go shouting across the hostel corridor 'machaaaaaaaan ivan GRE elaam padikaraaan daaaaaaaaaaaaa' if they get to know) and enter your room and open the book. A cursory glance through the book and you can feel your desire and ambition falling down from Dodda betta to Coimbatore. 3600 words, for a guy who doesn't read the papers and doesn't read novels! W T F?! How on earth is it possible, says your mind.Don't give up, says your heart.You decide to give your heart and soul to GRE preparations.Almost every free time you have is dedicated to the never ending word lists 10 Words at a time becomes one page at a time which leads to one word list at a time.The journey from Abase to Zephyr is like a train journey from Beach to Chengalpet; its long, never ending,sleep inducing and highly irritating.There are many stages where you sit and wonder if its worth all the trouble.You imagine yourself as a software engineer in a year's time.

'aah..software engineer..i'l have all that i want.. money,respect,friends,parties etc ..one year la bike vaangi, oora suthi, weekends movie paathu, 3 years la car vaangi, oru veedu vaangi, veetla paakkara ponna kalyanam panni jammunu settle aaidalaam..adha vittutu GRE,TOEFL,VISA,MS,US,Assignments,Research,Funding,RA,TA etc...idhelaam unakku thevaya??', says your mind.

But all you have to do is imagine yourself with a Black chick on one side and a white on the other to get that driving force to get back to barrons.You fix dates for mock tests and model exams instead of fixing dates with girls.

"Machi ivan overaa poraan.. ivana inime engayum koopdaadha..ooty dhaan vara maatengaraan ok..but oru movie kooda varala nu solraan? romba over..adhaan place aagitta la..aprom enna?..America pora moonji a paaru".You learn to ignore such encouraging words from friends.

You even carry your barrons to your hometown and go to your terrace to study.You see an LKG kid, your neighbour, with a book in hand.

"What are you reading kanna?", you ask.

"English uncle.A for apple , B for ball,C for cat", says the kid.You dont even feel bad that the kid called you an uncle. You look at your book which reads :

abase v.: To lower in position, estimation, or the like; degrade.

abbess n.: The lady superior of a nunnery.

abbey n.: The group of buildings which collectively form the dwelling-place of a society of monks or nuns.

You dont know whether to laugh or cry.You force yourself to overcome all this.So much for USA!

D day arrives.The exam starts off with the essay section where you are asked to write about your favourite place in the world.'AAH..perrrrrfect start to the exam', you think, and start crapping all you know about New York and USA until the system itself throws a warning asking you to STFU and proceed with the next question.You are over the moon when you see a 1300+ score on your screen!

Friends :"Congrats machi..inime namba oor suthalaam!".

You:"No da.. TOEFL irukku padikkanum".

Friends:"Podaaangu #%^$%$%&$&^&*^%&&&&&&&&&&%@#^@^%&%^@%&^&^@&^%&^%&^"

The whole routine starts again.TOEFL TOEFL says your heart. A comparitively easier exam, though the longest and most irritating one you've ever faced.

Results come out and you get a decent score.Second hurdle crossed!

Friends:"enna machi..atleast now will you be back to normal senses?".

You:"No da..SOP ezhudhanum".

Friends:"Podaaangu #%^$%$%&$&^&*^%&&&&&&&&&&%@#^@^%&%^@%&^&^@&^%&^%&^"

Third stage.SOP.Statement of Purpose.You browse the internet and get to know that SOPs

1.Should be original.

2.should not be an autobiography

3.Should say about your projects

4.should say why you want to join the university and why the course.

etc..

You say to yourself. "wtf purpose? USA is the purpose!". But sadly, you cant put it that way and you end up spending the next few weeks drafting your SOP.

Friends:"enna machi..atleast now will you be back to normal senses?".

You:"No da..Recommendation letter vaanganum".

Friends:"Podaaangu #%^$%$%&$&^&*^%&&&&&&&&&&%@#^@^%&%^@%&^&^@&^%&^%&^"

You run behind the very staff you sat at last row and kalaaichufied 2 years back.Its pay-back time for them. The very idea of you going to US makes them go 'rotfllmao'.One of them sweetly says "dont worry child, i'l give you a good reco. After all, India needs real independence na??".You smile sheepishly and manage to get decent recommendation letters.

All set.You decide on 5 universities, and send in your applications.Finally you are free. an entire semester dedicated to preparations for US.So much effort.SO many sacrifices.So many insults.So much at stake.The semester holidays are over and your final year 'project' starts.You are more worried about your US applications though.

one by one, the results come.

Reject.Reject.Reject.Reject.

Your hopes come down CRASHING!Friends, parents and everyone you see console you and ask you to keep hopes alive.You suddenly find yourself visiting temples. So much for an admit, eh?

"Machi..got to know that the results are out da..check yours..will pray for your admit", says a friend.

You rush to the internet center.Nervous,excited and desire. You pray to the allmighty and login to your mailbox.

2 unread messages.

1st one from your classmate in college:

From :Kaandhaari

SUbj:Marriage invitation

You decide to open it later and see the 2nd one.The most important mail of your life.

From : State University of New York

Subj:regarding MS program

you close your eyes and you click on it.

"Dear *******,

Thank you for your interest in the MS program of the Department of Computer Science and Engineering at the State University of New York at Buffalo. We received over 1000 applications to this program, and many deserving students could not be admitted due to limitations of class size. We sincerely regret our inability to offer you admission to our MS program at Buffalo."

You read it again as tears roll down your cheeks.Silence, shock and depression.

"Why the hell did i even have an ambition? i was happier without it!"

Your friends help you come back to senses.Thank god for creating friends.

Then you remember the 1st mail from Kaandhari.

You open it with a blank mind and read the content :

"

Hi all,

i'm getting married to Raman on 5th august this year in ABC kalyana mahal at Tirupur.I will be settling down in New York, USA with my husband after completing my 3 arrears : ).Please find attached the marriage invitation and do attend the wedding.

Thanks,

Kaandhari

"

So easy isn't it? 'If only i was a girl'.Completely outraged, you do the only thing you can. Login to Facebook and update your status

"DAMN YOU - AMERICA MAAPPILAIS"!!