Pakkathu veettu aunty and you - part 2/2

The next few years – the age between 23 and 27 – are the toughest for any man. You are just starting your career not knowing where it’s headed, your friends live in different places and you suddenly don’t fit in any gang. It’s an irritating age for various other reasons – your friends, who were local bastards in school and college suddenly act decent in public forums. “Machaa, please don’t post abuses or indecent stuff on my facebook wall da. My clients may see...” Every single person of your age group you talk to tells about his/her life and laments about how miserable it has suddenly become after college. Every incident reminds you that you are in a “neither here nor there” age group. A tennis ball finds its way into your house and a kid follows, asking you ‘uncle, ball please’. Uncle? Seriously? If you travel by bus and are seated next to a woman – whatever her age is – you are sure to experience one of the most embarrassing incidents ever. The woman makes a fuss with the conductor and protests with him about how she can be seated next to a ‘male’. You wonder to yourself "do I look like someone who will molest a woman in a bus?” and wish you could convince the aunty that you are no threat to her, but as it always is the case, the aunty always wins.

To top it all, there is the pressure to ‘settle down’ which drives each and every action of yours in this age. Combine that pressure with the torture from aunties and there is a deadly combo which you have to fight day in, day out. If you are in an IT firm in India, not a day passes without some aunty or the other asking you when you are going to do an MBA, or when you will go on-site to America. It’s worse if you are in the USA – you have all the distractions right in front of you – but you have to resist the temptation and concentrate on your MS for the sake of one person (not your mom, dad or any other aunty, but for the poor State Bank of India Manager back in Chennai who sanctioned your loan). Every aunty you talk to has a few words to say on Obama, recession and the general job scenario in the country.  If you are doing something else other than the IT field, MS or MBA, the aunties will not even care about your existence.

A different kind of torture ensues after you are done with your studies. Aunties turn marriage brokers and Aunty-matrimonial services start driving you mad. You escape the torture if you have found a girl for yourself but if you haven’t, the aunties will make sure that your life is hell till you get married. If not directly, they will slyly remind your age to your mom who will pressurise you to ‘get settled’ so that you can become a marry-able commodity. The pressure only increases if your friends or anyone of your age-group in the neighbourhood gets married. Aunties will work overtime and even ask your horoscope. For some reason, they’re more eager to get you married than you actually are. If you visit a marriage, every aunty you see will come up with the most predictable line “enna kannaa settled ah? Next nee dhaan” and giggle away to glory for reasons best known to them. “onakku ponnu irundhaa kudu ” is what you want to say, but “haha.. 2 more years” is all you manage.

You somehow manage to get the ‘2 more years’ you wanted – you are around 28 now and it is time to really ‘settle down’ and get married. You escape aunty-torture a bit if you find a girl for yourself - even then, there will be an odd aunty who drills your parents about the girl’s caste, sub-caste, gothram etc. If all those aspects match, the process of marriage is made much easier and aunty-matrimonial services may even help you with it. But if by any chance it doesn’t, hell follows suit. Your mom is ostracised from the gang, you are considered a cheap unlawful person and every aunty will name at least one girl who would have been better for you than the girl you chose to marry.

You cross this stage too, and finally reach the day you will get ‘settled’. Your marriage. The aunties reach there before you, are dressed up as if they are gonna get married and get into a gang as they always do – after all, it is they who framed your life. You bear all that and greet them with a smile – it’s the last day of your seemingly never-ending relationship with your pakkathu veettu aunties. In a few more hours, you are going to settle with a family yourself and you will be throwing away the aunties from your life. Overall, it is a happy day for you – a new beginning, and a happy break up. You tie the thaali and are immediately followed by a flurry of congratulations from all the aunties present there.

“Congrats kannaa.. have a happy married life”

“Congrats pa.. no more aunty-torture or matrimony torture from us. Hahaha” Hahaha indeed.

“Congrats .. you have to be more responsible from now on. But don’t worry we won’t advise you from today. It’s your life”

It’s your life. It’s your life. The words repeated inside your head, and you finally realise that you’ve got freedom. Oh yes, you do lose your freedom to your wife, but that’s certainly not an issue compared to the freedom you attained from the aunties.  Just when you indulge yourself in the different type of happiness and satisfaction that fills you, a random woman – aged around 55 – walks and stands in front of you and your wife.

“Happy married life Kannaa. Now you have to be more careful and responsible. Settle down fast and make your parents grand-parents even faster J. You know, I got married in 1978 and had two kids by 1981. It’s not good for you or the baby if you postpone such things. You are already 28, so you shouldn’t delay it by much. So plan well, and become parents soon. It's tough to get admissions in schools also these days.. so make it soon. Congrats J”

Who the f$%k was she? Why was she planning for someone else’ child? 'It’s hardly 15 minutes since I got married, and some random woman is already planning and advising me about having children?' With a shocked reaction, you turn towards your wife who says the last thing you want to hear.

“My pakkathu veettu aunty”

Aunties never die. Or Billa style la sollanum na, en vaazhkaila ovvoru naalum, ovvoru nodi-yum en pakkathu veettu aunty sedhukkinadhu da!

Tweet